Hello there, I am here –

… slid in from a glide …

Very slow right now and loving it.  The joy of this pace strengthens my love …

How grateful I am … for this moment … so comfortable and safe.

Not to say that at any second a rock won’t come winging through a window… life happens and we either play along or resist the inevitable – the no choice of reality.

She rules.  What comes to be – will not unbe.  Acceptance is the only sane option.

And I am within the changes waving in the wind … feeling the soft warm breeze …

Hoping, creating a going forward … gentle as I go, intent in calming the turbulence that is.

Accepting the result when reality again slaps me awake.

Dear Friend

I offer you unconditional love. 

I am dedicated to its power and have faith its benefits will empower us both. 

I have no rules for you although, if your choices splash harm on me, I will distance my presence.  This is necessary since my love is unconditional for me too!

Somewhere, sometime ago, I dropped the heaviness of arrogance.  When I saw its harm on you and certainly to me, I couldn’t let it go fast enough.  I have no right to judge the choices you make for your life and certainly my unconditional love will not wound you by pointing out your bad choices – we each have amassed numerous missed takes. We humans are born ignorant, airing live without dress rehearsals and guided by each other’s arrogance.

We are learning beings from birth to death, it is impossible know it all.  We understand more each day and that’s the best that can be.

I learn from you every day.  Sometimes how to be and other times, how not to be.  As I watch you my friend, even if it is not for me, that you decide it is for you, is none of my business. You are a free being …

This is a personal universe for each of us.  Although in fact, random and neutral,  to us humans, it is subjective, personal and intimate. 

We talk across a divide, hoping communication is received which it seldom is.  Some of us have not only noticed the reception problem but have vowed to learn how to improve this.

It sets us apart.  Oftentimes misunderstood, ridiculed for our weakness and vulnerability. 

Vulnerable yes, but the weak part is an illusion.   The vow, dedicating one’s focus to unconditional love takes courage and humility.   It requires  stepping into a vulnerable receptive stance. A step which can only be done with the strength of love.

An Archetype Visits Me …

Along my road of life, I met a being who introduced himself as Jesus.  Since the time element was off (it was 1981) I questioned his identity.  He said, I am the spirit of Jesus and I am here to bless you my child.

For a second, indoctrinated into Catholicism. I was intrigued, but then the logic set in.  In the middle of a life’s road, a being offering a blessing claiming he was Jesus?  Come on, myself sighs, what arrogance – are you feeling worthy to draw attention from one of the Masters?  Is it a delusion who comes to taunt me with mental illness?

Do I discard him, this he who says he is Jesus, or do I accept his truth and blessing.  It was up to me.  No authority around to free me from this dilemma, I was on my own.

And I felt an increasing pressure to decide. 

Do I need this blessing?  Is it important I make this decision?  Can I just shrug my shoulders and file you under hallucination?

The being smiled and answered, “Sure.  This moment is completely free.  You can choose as you will.  The blessing won’t happen unless your whole heart is open to accept it.”

How can I know without doubt you are who you say you are?  I have heard the Devil is a master of disguise.  This could be a trick.

Yes it could, he answered but that is your intellect talking.  What does your feeling say? If I am sinister, not only would your intellect warn you but your feeling would match it.  But your feeling does not match your intellect, does it!  In fact, you are feeling an attraction, a pull towards believing me, aren’t you?

And I was Indeed feeling a loving sweetness wrapping around my every pore. 

My intellect sighed and nodded in agreement. There is no way of knowing either way.  He may be real or then, maybe not.  It is a question of trust.

And so, gambling on my perception of odds, I trusted.  He was Jesus and he was here to bless me.  I accepted the offer and entered fully into the experience. 

For a bit, the fever of the blessing was impactful and people asked if I was a born again Christian.  I smiled and answered something about accepting love into my heart but the experience did not inspire me to join an organized church.  There is too much hypocrisy and hearsay woven through present day organized religion. 

However, his blessing showed me what love can be and learning the bliss that love is, I dedicated myself to learning more.

Have I authenticated my experience with an authority who would validate and sanctify its truth?  There is no need.  The blessing was for me.  Sharing the experience would fall short of meaning for anyone else.

How come I don’t seek validation? 

There is no doubt in me.  Accepting the blessing removed all questions and love has had its way with me.  I am now a devoted follower of love’s dream.

It wasn’t Jesus on the road that day, it was Love wearing an Archetype’s cloak hoping to tenderly gain my trust.

It did.

Love learns and is never wrong. What’s more, love strives to understand and see the truth. 

Love lays down ego for others, knowing in the end, it empowers the ability to return to itself.

The Paradox in living … of existing in this reality … this mystery we are in – being.

To intensify the problem, we emerge from within where there is no outside or inside … joining pre-existing entities created through less than complete information … inheriting an insufficiency that is ever lacking. We emerge into a self-taught constantly changing curriculum universe.

The complexity increases daily.  The problems pro-create faster than we can solve them.  And we bungling along, still reeling from our birth, battered and bruised limping towards the finish line, wonder what’s it all about?

A question asked ad nau·se·am – due for retirement, yet unable to give up its day job. 

Confusion and anger whizzes about, sucking the oxygen out of my lungs.  I agree, in fact, reality royally sucks.  Certainly a valid defense for rage.

But anger is part of the problem.  Anger, a son of survival is part of the problem.  It dulls the process of thinking.  It inhibits calm .. the better state of being in which the mind works best.

But how can anger not exist when very few squeeze the majority dry so that they can live exceedingly more comfortable than others? If they did this with nobility, the many might find the fairness in the nobleness, however, they don’t. The few take an unfair piece of the pie and do it by abuse, manipulation and threats.  They do it because they are ruthless and have no depth of feeling.

We ask them, how do you sleep at night.  Aware that if we would use others in such a cruel manner, sleep for us, would be scarce. They laugh and tell us – it’s good business and I do it because you let me..

What most do not get is that sleep comes easily for these few.  They have a dulled consciousness and cannot understand a more expansive breadth of vision. And although they are at the top, it is never enough. People who do not understand the level of enough, have a dull consciousness.

We are in crisis since the complexity caused by the elite’s blindness is teetering on the edge of collapse.

Left to executing personal subjective ideas from an intent of calm and understanding of what it means to live in another’s shoes, we, the more conscious, watch as the comedy of errors unfold. In the beginning, a few minor acts did not add up to much but we wait for more to come on board and realize the power that lies when minor acts join together with a collective intent.

The Pseudo power presently in place has no substance and will topple on all of us if we do not raise our conscious awareness of the possible consequences of each of our choices.

So here ye, hear ye, act with loving intent – calm in each tiny decision you make and if more and more do this, the collective will calm down and all will execute more smoothly. If you are reading to this point, you know this is a truth. You feel it as flutter of bliss … can it be true?

Begin with your own intent.  How kind are you to yourself and others around you?

It is easy to see how well you are doing … others will smile mirroring your energy back.  The trick is to not mirror any one’s anger and violence back but rather absorb it and neutralize their toxic energy with your calm.

Sentimental Has Its Say

Section one …

Hello here.  I am here.  Yay!  Proud that I made it and ready to explore the word sentimental.

It flew into my awareness demanding to be heard, indignant and quite frustrated with its listed synonyms! It sits on an arc of amassed treasures, a plethora of valued attachments.  Things that have inspired a good feeling. Loves that have warmed my soul.  All these make up the word sentimentality.   

Something trembles, tugs,  wanting to let go – bringing in sadness –  Don’t go – please.  Sentimentality has awoken.

An attachment has a voice, honouring memories, proclaiming life and cannot be controlled – its purpose:  to remember the futility of holding on to an ongoing flux.  

Loudest as it fades away … “all is temporary.” Sentimentality honours the life of the valuable.

Section Two …

Lost a day there, an interference appeared that would not take no for answer. When I was last here, my desire was to explore the word sentimental.

As per the dictionary, this can be described by several other words like, affectionate, tender – but in contrast, silly and sappy are on the list too; two words that lower sentimentality’s value to superfluous.  Sentimentality becomes an unnecessary decoration rather than a substantial strength.

Currently, sentiment continues to be trumped by power in the value arena. Most would estimate a low price for sentimentality in comparison to power. Power is the ticket!  The one amassing most power wins.

But it also points to something else. 

It reveals a shift towards rejecting affection and tenderness.  A hardening of the arteries, slowing the flow of feeling and stiffening the body for confrontation – protection.  Preparing for war.

While we need power to survive in this world, equally important is the vulnerability to receive – the silly and sappy feeling of joy. 

While power protects and keeps us safe, joy gives it meaning that without its warmth, we are merely existing in a cruel and violent world, waiting for our afterlife. which will be better – how?                        

A Passage Completed

My granddaughter is 25 today.  A quarter of a century woman fully completed. Perched at the end of an era, the beginning of the next stretches in front of her.

Unwritten, the blank years taunt, bidding her to write a wonderful story. Although, she may have doubts about the importance of this, there is no higher value than writing her own story. Regardless of whether or not she participates, her story will be written.

Fortunately she is wise beyond her years and knows, it will be more fulfilling if she adds her voice and becomes the author of her saga.                                          

There are limitations of course, but that’s part of it – creating in spite of boundaries, learning not to hurt herself, searching, feeling her way forward inch by inch.

Always, the dreams of what could be came first, they still do.  Each what-if carries a vibration emanating light and dark.  Being an excellent being, she searches for the choice that could cause the best outcome.  She is thoughtful, considerate and sharp.  Her feelings are strong, they lead her away from the dark, from the whatzit that is not for her. 

She recognizes what is for her in the way she is lifted by its whispering promises, but yet, at the same time, it also frightens her. 

However, can it be otherwise?  Being intelligent she muses over the many angles, cautiously, patiently, calmly turning them this way and that. Here and there her ambition pierces her, prodding her to keep focused. Yet she knows, she is in charge.  She is the only one who can write her destiny. 

It is in the tiny choices she makes.  A simple single step forward, a look here, a thought there, an idea comes and she chooses.

Slowly, happily, it unravels and she meets her unique truth.

Today she begins anew, flitting her wings into the light.  Whatever may be, she will surf life’s wave, giving the best she’s got.

Her strength knows no bounds and as reality passes through, she, calm in its center, watches her story unfold.

Baring My Whatzits

To the who that has not disappointed others, please pass this blog by.

May I begin with the bottom line, as per me of course,  most relationships exist for preservation, companionship or validation.  

[Disclaimer:  if you don’t agree, I will not accept the job of debating.  And if,  after you carefully read this with an open mind, all the way through and think I need correction, you have missed the point of this post.  Please write your own post expounding those ideas.]

Perhaps, my opening may be an obvious statement to some, but it took me a few moons to understand relationship’s neutrality and be free of its invisible constraints. This is not a complaint but rather a clarification of a confusion with which I long wrestled.  More accurately, it is a description of an intimidation running our societies:  comply or be left alone on the Savannah to rot.  Currently, otherwise, gratefully, I can enjoy the benefits gleaned by complying without paying the threat’s ransom, fear.  For example, I am no longer afraid of not capturing your attention by teetering around on nine-inch heels, advertising a false idea that I am a long legged beauty.  I have zero interest in capturing your attention with lures I do not naturally possess.  Your attention is not that important to me.

To begin this, what is my worth based upon if not compliance to society’s norms?  How do you estimate your own worth?  How do you base another person’s worth to you? 

In my corner over here, from birth, my worth was based on how others compared me to their ideals.  If I fit their ideals, I was worthy, if I did not, their response was one of disappointment. Evident?  For sure, but for many years, I struggled, jumping over hurdles, hoping to reach their ideals.  When I couldn’t, I believed there was something off with me.  

What a surprise and liberation to discover there is nothing off with me.  My biology at birth was a combination of whatzits from my parents and ancestors;  a compilation of generations passing inherited whatzits down to me.  Overall, I was born with good enough whatzits to live comfortably even though, well, even if,  in comparison, my whatzits are not the best.  

(Indeed,  what is the best anyway? The top position is continuously appropriated by a new improved best.  Therefore the last toppled best was not the best then? Was it only a temporary best until a new best arose?

(Wouldn’t that make it then a good enough for now and not an accurate representation of the word best?)

Through my life, as I interacted with my environment, I had to use my whatzits to actively respond.  Unfortunately, more frequently than not, other people graded my whatzits not good enough.  

I was a disappointment to many people.  I was not beautiful enough, smart enough or entertaining enough and sometimes, I was too much something which all added up to the same grade, not good enough.

I was first a disappointment to my father who wanted a son.  Now explain to me, how could I ever please a man who was demeaned by the birth of a daughter?  In reflection, I see his need as pathetically insecure but to a tiny girl child, the message was devastating.  In addition, I was a disappointment to my mother because my inquiring mind would not obey without questioning.  How could I satisfy a woman who believed good behavior was measured through obedience while curiosity and questioning were negative components.  Disturbed by my challenging creativity, she tried to snuff it out.  Honoring my out of the box questions was beyond what she could do.  In both cases, as in all the disappointments I have caused, it was more about my parent’s and society’s needs and had very little to do with me.

My failure-to-please list goes on and on.  From my parents, sibling, children, and friends, who come and go in my life, the disappointments I have caused,  calculate in the thousands.  I won’t, however, bore myself or you in remembering them. These days, I do not concern myself when someone communicates I am of no value or even if what I produce is of no value.  Cloning myself to someone’s specifications has become abhorrent to me.  A few years ago, I stepped off the wheel of competition and have been consciously staying off ever since.   It’s not easy since everyone I know continues spinning on that merry-go-round, reaching for the ringing sound that announces, they are worthy!  

Whenever I see that original competitive harm, I know it is a mere residue with which I can choose not to engage.

I watch while they dress to impress, learn new ways of talking a good game and read up on the expert’s suggestions on how to win and influence people.   Not for me.  I shun – how to improve yourself articles; this self-help genre is just another way to fit in.  Improvement to become closer to a whatever- ideal demeans me.  

In contrast, learning about my natural whatzits and allowing them air is not an improvement but rather a liberating process.  

I am focused on discovering my unique whatzit.  Sadly, having spent too long on the merry-go-round, my whatzit is less apparent except for my unrelenting curiosity and constant questioning of my thinking habitual patterns.  This has remained glaringly visible.

I am not concerned about the rest being less discernible, peeling off the shit is a labor of love.  I would rather exercise patience baring my ethereal whatzit than spending time shaping myself into what others want from me.  

Please do not mistake my words for advice on how to be – only you can know this.  Please be advised, I am not the God of you and cannot know what’s best for you.   A wee secret?  You are the God of you.

Unrequited

Where am I? I ask since I came here for a reason (long pause) …

but to go on …

She was hard wired to feel pleasure when someone smiled at her. This pleasure pulled up the corners of her mouth reverberating sweetness back.

A circle of love destined to glow but unfortunately, she emerged where no one smiled. 

Her mother, perpetually cranky, was annoyed by her existence.  Not that her mother did not want a child but rather she was not the child expected..  Far too many things about the child displeased her mother into frowning more than smiling. In sympathy, her mother was traumatized by life’s darkness, perpetually scanning the horizon for tragedy’s appearance, absent from the flow of life.

And because it was smiles that would have pleased the child’s hard wiring and since there were no smiles, surprisingly, undaunted, she gave her mother one of hers. 

Her mother did not respond. She was not conscious of her child smiling at her. Absent, immersed in her mind, she was clinically deaf and blind.

The child, beholding her mother’s furrowed brow, empty eyes glowing sadness and anger, promised to be more pleasing.

A confusion, a puzzlement at being alive where she was not welcomed grew.

A tiny question at first that blossomed and became the why of her existence. 

Where am I, she would ask?  What is the why of me?  Created by chance you say? No purpose whatsoever?

But wait – comes a pause,  pregnant with an answer. 

Smiles come from love and you my dear have your own. It is your gift to spread,  offering warmth to anyone in need. 

Even more, it was way beyond this, she was the warmth she herself sought.  She was the smile denied, who through no fault of hers, could not fulfill her mother’s expectations for grandeur.  Able to recognize noble stock easily, her mother knew her daughter was rather ordinary by account.  She did not have enough to reach where her mother wanted her to go.

Unbeknownst to her mother, she was destined elsewhere and where it was, only the child knew how to get there.

Twenty seven thousand days since arrival.

The world continues in its state of confusion.  A state that as I recall, stretches back to my birth.  I cannot remember a time when there was no confusion.  After all, the state I am referring to is the problems we humans create and oh mother of grace, humans create problems.  They are not inept but rather a learning species.  Problems arise because a situation does benefit a human.  The human, a problem solver, tries solving it. 

Since humans are a learning creature, they do not know it all.  They actually can never know it all but hey that is another topic.  Consequently, humans  solve problems using their up-to-date data base.

Some solutions, cause three other problems.  Humans again try and solve these three … of which one or two cause more problems.

Hereto the world continues in its state of confusion.

I, here in my tiny corner, wonder why less talented problem-solvers reach leadership.  It is brawn who continues to rule our world.  It is the aggressive, quick thinker who rise and become our leaders.  This is unfortunate.  Their talent, aggression and quick thinking become a liability when it comes to problem solving.  As a result of these two talents, they are also not likely to listen to humanity’s slower but all-inclusive thinkers who offer their wisdom.

Certainly, the majority came together and put a fail-safe in place, therefore currently in a democracy,  the leaders have advisors who we hope are the slower but all-inclusive thinkers.  Unfortunately, a scorpion is limited to ever behave like a scorpion and the leaders are clever at using the situation to their advantage. They are quick thinkers.  In addition, even after the pressure is put upon the leader to rethink his folly, the leader who is aggressive and quick thinking will think they know it all and continue making short sighted decisions.

Is there a solution?  I think there is.  The majority needs to get smarter and here we come to the crux of it all.  When you stop and think on this, is it not the perfect system?

A system, where an irritant is an integral part. It is the catalyst stimulating the growth of its collective consciousness.

Good Morning World

As usual I am pondering this world.  I used the word world but when I ponder, my travels take me to the edge of the universe and back.  I say the edge but there is no edge.  The edge is unreachable.  Infinity has no edge.  I travel as far as I am able.  It is my limitation that reaches an edge.  The universe is infinite and therefore has no edge.

What a discovery… a human, who has emerged into a paradox, experiencing a profound complexity,  propelled by the force of continuance, discovers impermanence.  A betrayal, awakening into what’s real…

Oh my dear humans, how can I ever express my depth of gratitude for your company in this mystery, I have emerged into.  You have worked together and have created a flowing system of service that benefits my life greatly. 

I am grateful for the growers who offer their produce for my nourishment.  How much easier is my life for your effort.  Simply go to a store and pick up what has been amassed.  Of course, I need to put back somehow, a nourishment in turn, a dedication to continuance.

I am grateful for the pickers (I bow in thanks for your energy).  Bent over, pushing into pain for the sake of harvest, heroes every one.

The shippers come next, their brawn ensuring safe delivery.  Their muscles worked into fatigue give me my dinner.  Thank you.

The truckers, sailors and pilots who bring the food closer.  The unpackers and stockers of shelves that offer me the plenty.  What would I do without you?

And the traders! …  who complete the interaction  that energizes my life.

Any time I have been in danger, it is another human who has come forth to help me.  In that, even if God sent them, it is another human who comforts and protects me.  I want to remember how fortunate I am to live with other humans.  I love the humans who work and service other humans.  In this case, then, almost everyone would be included except for a mere 1% who take far too much, believing themselves above their peers. They think because they can fool us and take more than is good for the majority of us, their cleverness as opposed to our trust is superior.    

All of us are bound in a circulatory system, a self-perpetuating process called humanity.  The ones who are abusing by taking too much rather than trading fairly have become a cancer in the process.